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Heart broken.

12/5/11 | 12:40 am
location: The BatCave.
mood: sad sad
music: Perfect Two - Auburn

Am I crazy to whine about stupid things? Things that don't even matter that much? I can't seem to get out of my head how Steven told me that I don't have to want to be with him all the time. Does he really think that i'm thinking that i should be with him all the time? That was basically a tell tell sign that i'm too clingy. Gawd. That just shot me down completely. Now i'm always afraid i'm being too clingy around him. it doesn't help when he says " you're not too clingy! mooa!" Really? you think kissing me to death will make me feel any better? Well, it doesn't. sorry to disappoint. 

I'm not trying to be over emotional about us. I know we won't last long. Yeah, we lasted a year, and yet I still didn't get anything, except a drawing he drew the night before. Is that being selfish? I mean, i took the time, and i wrote down like 90 different messages and put it all in a bottle for him and he didn't exactly look as happy as i hoped he would. But seriously, does it kill him to take the time and think of me once in awhile? I'm not telling him to give up his life for me, i just want to be thought of first once in awhile. 

i don't know. it just really sucks. cause like i love him, but i'm afraid to really love him. cause i know he'll break my heart. sooner or later.

Bunch of Liars.

11/8/11 | 08:13 am
location: The BatCave.
mood: annoyed annoyed
music: The Widow - Mars Volta

I'm not sure what I should do. I hate her for not keeping my personal stuff I told her. And yet, it's hard to avoid and ignore her since she's in all my core classes.

What do you do when your best friend betrays you? I feel like hating her forever. I suppose I should be more reasonable. All I want is an apology. A sincere apology. Cause right now, I feel like I can't trust anyone. And it sucks.

People are just a bunch of liars. And they don't care.

Monday Morning.

10/31/11 | 07:44 am
location: The BatCave.
mood: sleepy sleepy
music: Vamos a la Playa - Loona

I guess for a Monday, things are looking somewhat promising. My boyfriend's finally going to go buy condoms so we can devirginize ourselves passionately in my bed. I'm here, sitting in class even though we don't start till 8am...

Want to know the strange part of today? My dad is starting school.... at MY college today. How many people get to say they're going to school with their own dad?

Anyway, I'm too tired to write anything else.


10/21/11 | 07:35 pm
location: The BatCave.
mood: happy happy
music: Underclass Hero- Sum 41

You know, normally I hate fridays. I mean, my class schedule is absolutely the worst on fridays. Not because I have tons of classes. No no... I only have one class..... GYM.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am uncoordinated and I have no absolute strength or sense of balance when it comes to physical activities. But that's not the worst part of it. On top of having gym my only class of the day, my class only starts at 3pm. SHOOT ME. It's horrible coming to school every Friday at 3pm just to work out. But anyway, this Friday, I felt good. I don't know why, possibly because all the major projects I had to do this work are done and over with. Not sure exactly.

Anyway, my boyfriend couldn't complain. I wouldn't stop kissing him. (: So in final words.... Happy Friday everyone.

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Writer's Block: Chatty Cathy

10/19/11 | 06:41 pm

Who do you talk to the most?
Usually I talk to my boyfriend and my best friend Kaitlynn but I talk to everyone i know often.

That Word.

10/19/11 | 04:40 pm
location: The BatCave.
mood: moody moody
music: Satch Boogie - Joe Satriani

You know those really random moments where you're supposed to know how you feel for someone but you don't? I sort of feel like that now and then. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Steven with my whole heart and I don't think I'd break up with him any time soon, but that doesn't make feel any more confident. 
I feel like a helpless child most of the time. Well... more like a helpless paranoid psycho catlady with a horrible sense of humor. But that's just me. I can't help it. 
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just dreaming this all up. I am a vivid dreamer after all. But whenever I feel doubt in my head, Steven just seems to know and tells me it's ok. He says he loves me as I am. I feel relieved, the pressure of not pleasing the one you love is very stressful. I might either go insane or lose my hair eventually due to all this stress. I don't get it how people can say being in love is easy, cause I don't think it is. You get so attached to them emotionally that when they're not near you, you feel so depressed and angry at the same time. I feel myself get needy and uber annoyed when Steven's not near me. I panic. I'm not sure why because I have no reason to panic but I do. I feel like one of those clingy stupid people who panic and whine because they're not the center of attention. Honestly, I don't mind being by myself. I don't mind when people aren't paying attention to me. I don't mind that at all. I mind it when HE isn't paying attention. Then I feel I have to do something crazy to gain his attention. 

I don't know. Being in love is a bitch. But I love it anyway. Steven... you might be the death of me after all. 

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Avatar Over Bed?

10/19/11 | 04:13 pm
location: The BatCave.
mood: nervous nervous
music: Dirty Dancing - New Kids On The Block.

Is it horrible or amazing the fact that I had only one class to go in to school for and all we did was watch Avatar? (not the airbender avatar) I mean, come on, waking up at 8am to get to a 9:30am class just to watch Avatar is pretty bad. I love the movie but not if it requires me getting up in the morning just to go see it. Urgh. I want to go back to bed but I have a stupidly long project for Consumer Behavior to finish for tomorrow morning. And normally I wouldn't be freaking out as badly as right now if I were doing it alone but I'm not. I'm partnered up with my friend Kaitlynn and normally I don't mind, but she needs me to send her EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW AND I AM NOT DONE MY PART.

Note to Self: Sto procrastinating and playing Nyan Cat: Lost in Space on Kongregate. It really takes too much of my time.

So There's This Guy...

10/18/11 | 07:35 pm
location: The BatCave.
music: I Will- The Beatles

And he kind of has my heart. I know I know! i'm ranting about my geek but I can't help it. He's so amazing and sweet and just perfect. (:

Random Questions.

10/18/11 | 07:00 pm
location: The BatCave.
mood: geeky geeky

  1. First thing you wash in the shower? My hair
  2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Black
  3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Always.
  4. Do you plan outfits? It starts out that way but ends up looking horrible so I don't try very often. I go with the flow.
  5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Pretty tired. Waking up at 5am every morning because your mind won't shut off is very tiring. 
  6. Whats the closest thing to you? Uhm, I'd have to say my boobs are the closest thing to me right now. AHAHA.
  7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? A-i-m
  8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Running around to find a bathroom with walls. 
  9. Did you meet anybody new today? no
  10. What are you craving right now? my hawt geek in my bed.
  11. Do you floss? occasionally when I remember to.
  12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? horrible summer memory with my aunt.
  13. When was the last time you talked on aim? I don't use aim
  14. Are you emotional? very
  15. Would you dance to the taco song? YES!
  16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? no
  17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick
  18. Do you like your hair? IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN. O.o..... so sure.
  19. Do you like yourself? sure
  20. Have you ever met a celebrity? no
  21. Do you like cottage cheese? yes
  22. What are you listening to right now? my teacher
  23. How many countries have you visited?3
  24. Are your parents strict? yup
  25. Would you go sky diving?no
  26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? no
  27. Would you throw potatoes at him? nah
  28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? My blue hat raped by Edward Cullen.
  29. Have you ever been in a castle? yes
  30. Do you rent movies often? no
  31. Who sits in behind you in your math class? no math
  32. Have you made a prank phone call? yup
  33. Do you own a gun? no
  34. Can you count backwards from 74? yes
  35. Who are you going to be with tonight? no one
  36. Brown or white eggs? white?
  37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? yup
  38. Ever been on a train? somewhat
  39. Ever been in love? yes
  40. Do you have a cell-phone? No
  41. Are you too forgiving? yes
  42. Do you use chap stick?sometimes
  43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow? uh...
  44. Can you use chop sticks? I can ;D
  45. Ever have cream puffs? yes

Writer's Block: It’s about to get hairy

10/18/11 | 06:38 pm
mood: bored bored

Do you like beards, goatees or mustaches? Why or why not?
I don't mind beards, as long as it's not uber long. Other wise, I'm not interested.